Find Your Player 2: Hot Video Game Men Are Making Me Question My Sexuality
As LGBTQ+ people, our relationships and identities often don’t fit in the same mould as the ones we’re surrounded by, and seemingly “easy” questions can be deep and complicated. At the same time, sometimes you just need an impartial ear to ask: If neither of us are doing gender roles, why is nobody doing the dishes either?
Whether you’ve been out for years, are newly questioning, or just think Gayming Magazine is the best place for games – Find Your Player 2 is here for you!
This week we have an Among Us player who has some serious questions, and the answer to this question: does liking hot video game men make you bi?
My Partner Is Really Good At Lying In Among Us, Should I Be Sus?
Me and my partner play a lot of Among Us, but separately. We never played it together until last week, when we played it with some mutual friends. They are really good at lying! They so casually framed other people for their murders and came up with such convincing alibis that I feel freaked out. Can I still trust them?
– A Somewhat Sus Among Us Player
The short answer is: Yes, probably.
Here’s a longer answer: If the only reason you trust your partner not to cheat on you is because you think they’re bad at lying, you don’t really trust your partner. Lots of people are skilled liars – actors lie as their whole day job. Being able to lie isn’t inherently untrustworthy, particularly in a game that has an easy to learn set of rules around what is plausibly suspicious.
It can be disarming to learn that your partner is good at lying, certainly! But trust is ultimately a leap of faith, not something you do because you have a lot of proof.
If you need to rely on things like “I read their texts regularly” or “I know they’re a terrible liar”, you don’t know that you trust your partner. You actually know that if you don’t trust them about something, you have sufficient access to evidence to reassure you, or to ensnare them if they’re guilty.
The real question here is: does your partner not deserve your trust, or is your insecurity a you problem? Do they tell the truth about things that matter (not surprise parties or games of bluff), and honour their commitments? Can the two of you resolve conflict in a healthy way where neither of you resort to ‘getting back’ at each other? Do they respect your boundaries, and communicate their own?
Obviously if the answer to those is ‘no’, you don’t need a social deduction game to prove that there are deep problems in the health of your relationship. But if the answer to those questions is ‘yes’, it sounds like they’ve demonstrated their trustworthiness by showing up for you and your relationship. The tiny murder beans aren’t a threat to that.
I’m Attracted to Video Game Men. Does That Make Me Bi?
I’ve only ever considered myself attracted to women, but I played the Final Fantasy 7 Remake and everyone is hot. It sounds like a meme, but I’m genuinely questioning my sexuality because I find Sephiroth so attractive. Is this a thing? What should I do about it?
– A Sephiroth Fancier
Being attracted to fictional characters doesn’t have to be a huge deal, but it is also for many people one of the first steps to realising their same-gender attraction. Attraction to fictional characters can be a safe way to explore these kinds of feelings, without experiencing any risk or repercussions.
“Explore” is a key word here, because – if you want to – you can experiment a little, and if anything feels uncomfortable or just ‘not right’, you can stop. So if you want to fantasise about yourself as an active participant in scenarios with Hot Video Game Guys, see how that feels! If you just like to look at them and think they’re hot, enjoy that eye candy. If you want to think of them fully clothed and whispering gentle words of affirmation in your ears – get that validation. What feels good to you to think about, and does it still feel good if you think about the same situations with different people involved?
If you’re questioning your sexuality, consider what having this kind of safe space means for you personally. I know for myself, as a lesbian, I internalised a lot of pressure to be attracted to men. Being able to go “okay, I will be attracted to these [famous, unattainable or fictional] men” is a safe route to channel that through. (Though I personally go for the alien men, Garrus Vakarian please call me.) If you’re someone who is discouraged from expressing attraction to men, this kind of safe space lets you explore your feelings without risking backlash or homophobia. For some trans people, looking at attractive people of a different gender presentation was a way of realising that they wanted to be like them, not with them. (Or both!)
This experience might mean something for you, or it might not! Even if you gave me a map with the gender of every crush you’ve ever had, I couldn’t tell you your sexual orientation. But if harmless fantasising feels good for you, you don’t need to not do it just because you’re unsure of your sexuality. You don’t have to do anything about it, and it doesn’t “make” you anything that feels wrong for you. If it’s a step on your journey to further self-discovery, I wish you all the best! If it’s not, there is no harm in enjoying hot video game guys, no matter who you are.
Find Your Player 2 is Gayming Magazine’s fortnightly love and relationship advice column! Send your questions to advicecolumn@gaymingmag.com.
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