The Crush House Review – a chaotic ‘thirst person shooter’ with darkness hidden behind the neon 90’s aesthetic

The Crush House is a dating sim that is set in a giant 90s aesthetic mansion in Malibu. This game is the perfect mix of a chaotic reality show and messy vibes with the goal of finding love while the entire world watches live.

After spending 6 hours with the game I can confidently say that if you are looking for a good, messy reality show based video game that you can laugh with; then The Crush House should definitely be on your wishlist. 

The Crush House centers on Jae Jimenez Jung who is hired onto the Crush House Production team. Their role is to not only film the talent in the Crush House, but cater to the wants of the audience, the needs of the network, selecting the cast, and buying props for the house that will keep the cast engaged. 

If the audience tunes out, if ratings fall your show will be immediately canceled. No pressure right?

While it may seem like the talent is the center of the show, it’s really the audience driving the narrative. Audiences have unique wants for what they want to see out of the Crush House reality show production. For example, ‘Film Students’ want to see creative camerawork, ‘Sexy Seekers’ want to see all the thirsty moments, and the ‘Landscaping Lovers’ want to see more plants and less people actually. 

There are 27 audience types, all with very different and sometimes clashing desires. At the most I only had to cater to 4 audience types at a time, and while I soared with some audiences like ‘Drama Queens’, ‘Film Students’ and ‘The Wholesome’, I struggled big time with ‘Voyeurs’, ‘Suburban Moms’ and the ‘Sexy Seekers’. Although, I will chalk up the last one to my Aseuxal struggles. 

As the audience drives the show, the ads bring in the money. You must play ads to satisfy your brand partners, because ultimately television is a business and money must be made. The best time I found to play ads is between setting up shots to capture the talent. You can play targeted ads that the audience will pay more attention to; and more eyes on ads means more money for you. But be careful how frequently you play ads, as too many ads will lead to audiences tuning out and then your show will be canceled immediately!

While this may seem overwhelming, I found running ads and finding opportune moments to do so, to be the easiest part of this experience. The money you earn in game must be spent on getting new props for the Crush House, which provides  a sharp reminder that we can never truly escape capitalism! 

Choose your cast wisely! While there are a total of 12 singles you can choose from, only 4 can enter the Crush House per season. If cast members have conflicting personalities, they will fight and bicker in the house, but if everyone just gets along perfectly that may not make for an interesting season for some audiences. 

For example, Alex and Ayo in my second playthrough conflicted a lot because Ayo loves to be the center of attention, is very direct and a bit flippant with her words, while Alex prefers people who are more avoidant. With all the twists and turns reality shows can take it is VERY possible to have an ‘enemies to lovers’ plot line. 

The goal is to get the couples to the Success Slide, meaning they have survived the house, found love and are on their way to fame and fortune…if you make it to that point. 

Speaking of the cast, the varied diversity of choices you have when it comes to skin tone, body type, and personality, is done really well. Of course there are always areas for improvement, but I believe the roster of the 12 you can select from is a well rounded base of folks to choose from. Shout out to Ayo and her purple Bantu Knots! 

While playing through the season, Jae must follow two simple rules: do not speak to the talent and give the audience what they want! And those rules are definitely tested while you do your best to keep the show on the air. 

Of all the funny, quirky, and messy events happening in the house, there are some sinister secrets lurking around this production that will leave you gobsmacked for sure. But finding out those secrets requires you to stay on the air as long as possible, and to do some serious snooping. As a tip, wander the house at night and seek out the Hidden Dogmilk Crunch bars, there is one always hidden in the house each night, and it’s a fun little mini game to play in between the chaos that is the reality dating sim.

Overall, the gameplay feels smooth and is very straightforward. You can play with a controller and the game is playable on the Steam Deck. According to the The Crush House Steam page there is no confirmation of Steam Deck compatibility, but I played a lot of my play session on my Steam Deck and had a fun time. I will say, however, the best experience will definitely be on a PC set up. 

As for accessibility, there is a section within the settings that allows you to adjust things for motion sickness, field of view and sensitivity when it comes to the camcorder. However, there is no colorblind mode, which is something I hope is added down the line, along with an Xbox or PlayStation port.

Overall, I enjoyed The Crush House! I went in expecting to be running an entire reality show production with an eccentric cast while dealing with the crushing demands of the audience and studio executives at the network. Who knew there was something more sinister in the underbelly at work in this chaotic, messy 90s aesthetic dating simulator?! 

What matches will you make in your season of The Crush House? Will your couples make it to the Success Slide?

Score: 3.5/5.0

The Crush House is available now on Steam.

A copy of The Crush House was provided to Gayming Magazine by Devolver Digital as part of their sponsorship of DIGIPRIDE 2024.

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