Tuesday, September 30, 2025
Opinion

What your Date Everything! character choices say about you

Date Everything! has fully taken over my life. I have poured more than 70 hours into it and I am still not done. The voice acting is incredible, the character designs are gorgeous, and the storylines are chaotic in the best way. With over 100+ fully fleshed-out dateable characters, it is honestly shocking how unique each one feels.

I have met all 102 characters, completed more than half their storylines, and yes, I have opinions. BIG ones. So trust me when I say: your favorite Date Everything! character says a lot about you.

I am not covering every single character here. Instead, I grabbed a handful of my favorites and a few fan-favorites to drag lovingly. If your fave did not make the cut, consider this your sign to reflect on your choices.

Think of this less like a personality test and more like me reading your dating history out loud. Let’s get into it!

Sassy Chap Games/Team17

1.🚪 Dorian (Every Door)

Dorian is the definition of “worth the grind.” He’s broody, complex, and British. Which, if you’re anything like me, already has you in trouble. If he’s your favorite, you probably spent hours trying to romance Astarion in Baldur’s Gate 3 and now you’re doing it again. You love a challenge, and to you, vulnerability is the ultimate intimacy, especially if it’s locked behind a puzzle. At the end of the day, you just like your men versatile: front door, back door, trap door.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

2. 🛏️ Betty (The Bed)

Betty is warm, flirty, and immediately down bad for you, which is honestly why I love her. She’s comfort and chaos rolled into one, with just enough suggestive banter to keep things spicy. If she’s your pick, you crave intimacy, cozy vibes, and a partner who knows how to set the mood. You probably main Mercy in Overwatch, build dream bedrooms in The Sims, keep your RGB lighting locked on bisexual purple, and want love that feels like sinking into sheets after a long day.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

3. 🎲 Chance (The D20 Die)

Chance is a full-on D&D nerd, which makes this route a Baldur’s Gate 3 and TTRPG lover’s wet dream. He’s passionate, dramatic, and the kind of guy who’d treat date night like a full campaign session. If he’s your pick, you probably love a man who’s obsessed with his hobbies and gets way too into character. You’re here for the dice rolls, the storytelling, and the emotional monologues, but mostly because you know he’d bring that same energy to the bedroom with costumes, candles, maybe even rolling a die to see how the night goes. For you, a nat 20 on persuasion isn’t just luck. It’s foreplay.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

4. 💀 xxXShadowLord420Xxx / Skips

xxXShadowLord420Xxx, aka Skips, is the personification of darkness. When you first meet him, he shows up as a shadow demon who talks a big game about being “darkness incarnate,” but underneath all that edge he’s insecure, clingy, and desperate to be noticed. If he’s your fave, you definitely had a Tumblr phase, still blast My Chemical Romance, or spend a little too much time in VRChat. Let’s be real: you just love a goth twink.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

5. 📌 Penelope (office supplies)

Penelope is every overworked, underpaid coworker personified into office supplies. She’s sweet, friendly, and a little desperate for validation, running on pure “hang in there” energy. If she’s your fave, you probably play Animal Crossing for the vibes, keep your Stardew Valley farm organized by color, live off iced coffee, and melt for partners who send you good morning texts and memes. Loving Penelope means you just want someone to highlight your best parts and quietly ignore the typos.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

6. 🧥 The Hanks (The Hangers)

The Hanks are five extreme-sport frat bros with golden retriever energy and exactly one shared brain cell. These personified hangers are loud, fearless, and so dumb it circles back around to charming. If they’re your fave, you definitely flirt with guys who call you “bro,” wear backwards caps unironically, and send you a “u up?” text at 3AM. And let’s be honest, you scream in Fortnite squad chat too. In other words, you’re hungry for five guys… and you’re not talking about the burger.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

7. 🧹 Henry Hoove (The Vacuum Cleaner)

Henry Hoove is the proud, hard-working vacuum who spends most of his life shoved into corners, waiting to be useful. All he really wants is to be seen as more than a tool and honestly, who doesn’t? If he’s your fave, you probably play PowerWash Simulator for self-care, believe vulnerability is sexy, and start cleaning when you’re stressed. Loving Henry means you want comfort, devotion, and a man who’ll pick up your mess without judgment.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

8.🕯️ Scandalabra (Candelabra)

Scandalabra is loud, fabulous, and obsessed with gossip. He’s basically the messy gay roommate who always wants the tea and will absolutely spill it before you’ve even poured a drink. He’s flamboyant, dramatic, and a little too obsessed with appearances, but there’s real depth hiding under the candlewax if you stick around. If he’s your fave, you probably quote RuPaul’s Drag Race daily, play The Sims just to start drama and set houses on fire, and want a partner who can roast you as hard as they romance you.


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

9. ⚡ Eddie & Volt (Fuse Box)

With Eddie and Volt, you don’t just get one romance route, you get the whole breaker box. Eddie is rough, sarcastic, and refuses to ask for help, while Volt is flirty, charming, and fiercely protective. If they’re your faves, you probably couldn’t choose between team Edward or Jacob in Twilight, romance the most unhinged characters in every RPG, and have very strong opinions about who tops. Loving Eddie and Volt means you don’t crave stability. You crave something electric, full of sparks, overloads, and the kind of devotion that fries the wiring


Sassy Chap Games/Team17

10. 🧠 Doug (Existential Dread)

Doug is the personification of existential dread. He thrives on car crashes, global warming, and everything you are not supposed to bring up on a first date. He also has a banging body, which makes it a lot easier to forgive the fact that he is toxic to the core. If he is your fave, you have definitely said “I can fix him” about a man who absolutely could not be fixed. Loving Doug is the Dark Souls of dating. It is punishing, cryptic, and the reward is just an invisible “Doug Point” instead of a victory screen. You probably have unresolved daddy issues, a sad playlist on loop, and a weakness for characters who make you work for intimacy.


Final Thoughts

Date Everything! has easily been my favorite game of 2025. It’s the perfect mix of silly moments and surprisingly deep narrative, and it has been an absolute blast to stream.

These are just my fun takes on what your favorite dateable says about you, but honestly, it probably says just as much about me. I have way too many clips of myself thirsting over every inanimate object in this game, and I regret nothing. It has been a reminder that love, comedy, and chaos can come from the strangest places, and that is exactly what makes this game so fun.

At the end of the day, there’s no wrong answer when it comes to your favorite dateable… unless you picked Doug, in which case you probably need therapy.

As for me, I’ll just be here waiting for my fridge to finally text me back.

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