Friday, March 1, 2024
Opinion

The Top Ten Biggest Video Game Himbos

Twitter, and social media in general, is a hive. But sometimes, it’s full of great ideas that are just waiting to happen. I regret to say that I don’t remember who posted the tweet ‘where are the video game himbos?’ but I’ll thank them all the same. Because it made me think – a rare occurrence – on just who are the biggest himbos in video games truly are.

Research led me nowhere. So many people think that, to be a himbo, you need just be an attractive looking, muscular man. That, my friends, is not what a himbo is. Yes, they need to be attractive, yes they need to be kinda dumb and not know how to cook pasta, but they also need to be well-meaning and kind. That already narrows the himbo criteria. By, like, a lot.

But I didn’t fall into the trap of getting carried away. Oh no, in this section, only himbos will be included. That and this dope ass song.

Masaharu Kaito – Judgment

When I saw Kaito, my immediate thoughts were ‘god, I hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me.’ Lo and behold, it did and I still haven’t quite recovered in knowing that this pretty looking mofo made me say ‘hey, maybe I sorta like men too?’ Somedays I’ll even go as far to say ‘sometimes men are good.’ So, I think I’m improving.

As for Kaito, what makes him a himbo? His garish clothing might be proof enough, but it’s his complete lack of self-control when it comes to dumb ideas that truly sells his himbo status. The chaotic energy in everything that Kaito does is just so huge that his presence can be felt even when he’s in the background. Ugh, time to simp for Kaito.

Alistair – Dragon Age: Origins

The Original Dragon Age Himbo is what you find when you look up Alistair’s name on Google. Trust me on this one, okay?

To look at Alistair, you may just see that his an incredibly lovable, comedic relief sort of character. That would be more than fair, but no, there’s more to it than that. He is kind, caring and incredibly dumb. One of his dumber moments is pretending that I give a damn whether he is a virgin or not, which is y’know, cute I guess, but really Alistair? We’re in the middle of a world-ending crisis here. I truly don’t care if you’ve licked a lamppost in winter or not. That and the whole ‘maybe if I pretended I wasn’t a royal bastard, it’ll go away’ shtick. Not the most clever of moments from this himbo.

Rokurou Rangetsu – Tales of Berseria

Tales of Berseria is one of my favourite video games of all time. It’s incredibly dramatic, has some of most talented people voice acting in it, and none of the male characters in the main cast have any clue what being a person actually is. The main offender for this out of everyone, however, is Rokurou.

Rokurou is the Jake Peralta of video games in some ways. For one, he most definitely thinks that women just naturally have hairdryers in their bags, and secondly, he probably gives really good hugs. He doesn’t know much outside of swords, but that’s okay, we can’t all be perfect.

Rokurou is totally okay with shanking people, which does make him less of a himbo, but him caring about the group of Berseria a whole lot does save him from being de-himbo’d. Just about, though.

Liam Kosta – Mass Effect: Andromeda

First off, Liam is one of the best Mass Effect characters, so write that down. Secondly, this man hugs at least three people in this game, and has such joyful energy that I’m pretty sure if given the choice of rescuing my nosey aunt or Liam Kosta from certain death, I’d choose Liam each and every time.

He is kind, polite, and cares so much about people he will quite literally burst. The only downside is that his plans always go up in smoke the moment they start, because no matter how much you try and help, there’s no way you can prevent a himbo from, y’know, being one.

Wakka – Final Fantasy X

Let me be clear, Wakka sucks. Does that make him less of a himbo? Eh, kinda. He massively improves from the first part of the game, where he is a major dickweed to poor Rikku for just being an Al Bhed. He does come around and apologize, and ultimately it’s up to you, the player, whether you forgive him or not. That said, the reason he is on here in the first place is because knowledge just flies over Wakka’s head. He hates the Al Bhed, but doesn’t notice Rikku is Al Bhed herself. He hates machina, but is A-OK with the Blitzball Stadium being a special sort of machina.

Wakka is just so much.

Tidus – Final Fantasy X

FFX Tidus

‘Gee Final Fantasy X, why does Square Enix give you two himbos instead of just one?’

We may never know the answer, but if I had to guess it was because they knew I’d play the game one day and need Tidus to constantly go ‘huh?’ at everything being said.

It isn’t his fault. Tidus was literally designed to be a himbo in order for us to learn more about the world of Spira. We thank him for his sacrifice.

Caspar – Fire Emblem: Three Houses

As you may have heard, I’ve got an awful soft spot for Caspar from Fire Emblem: Three Houses. Is it because he resembles a human Sonic the Hedgehog? I have no real idea.

Still, Caspar only possesses a single brain-cell, but that doesn’t stop him from being darn cute, loyal, and willing to arm-wrestle Death itself if it meant making your day.

Eugene – Animal Crossing

There is something about Eugene that makes my brain hurt. He seems classy on the surface, but as you talk to him and find out more about him, you’ll come to realize that, like most himbos, Eugene just doesn’t seem to know anything at all outside of making words up.

He is still the best villager outside of Fuchsia and Apollo though, so if you have him on your island, then you’re going to be in for a himbo-sized treat.

Ace Visconti – Dead by Daylight

When you say video game himbos, Ace Visconti from the asymmetrical horror game, Dead by Daylight, most certainly doesn’t pop into your head. That’s because Behavior Interactive have only really started leaning into the lore, and while I’ve always had a ‘himbo’ vibe off Ace, his latest story in the game’s Rift proves it. I won’t spoil it, but Ace fans, you know what I mean.

In the meantime, Ace’s personality has big ‘your daughter calls me daddy’ vibes. But like, ironically. So there’s that to think about.

Alex – Stardew Valley

Out of all the himbos on this list, Alex is the one that I feel bad for including on the list. It’s not that he doesn’t read, or that he is really immature, it’s just that I’ve never quite forgiven Alex for thinking that wallpaper of footballs are ideal for the bedroom. I mean, come on Alex, read the room, will you?

Well, at least he looks pretty for a bunch of pixels.

Aimee Hart

[She/They] Aimee Hart is Editor-in-Chief of Gayming Magazine. She specializes in queer fandom, video games and tabletop, having started her career writing for numerous websites like The Verge, Polygon, Input Magazine and more. Her goal now is to boost LGBTQ+ voices in the video games industry.