Thursday, April 18, 2024

What does your Dragon Age romance options say about you?

Dragon Age started as a game that was, typically, a dark fantasy. This meant that almost everything you did, something bad was going to happen later on. Save a child? Oh well, you’ve just unleashed a demon to terrorize villagers later on! Throw some ashes into a bin? You’ve just made your Dragon Age romance options minimize by one thanks to murdering Leliana! Dragon Age: Origins was tough on the psyche, folks.

But not all is lost, one of the best thing about Dragon Age is the romance options. Not only do they offer a more, personal pull to your adventures, but who doesn’t want a lot of hot people lusting after you? Even if they have weird hands, really bad teeth and are all traumatized by their past.

Dragon Age romance options have changed over time, immensely improving by the time you get around to Dragon Age: Inquisition. But what does your chosen love interest actually say about you? Are you a person of culture? Or do people immediately want you and your romance option to go to therapy?

Dragon Age: Origins
Dragon Age romance options

Morrigan – You love goths and feel that they deserve to be cuddled while Evanescence plays softly in the background. And let’s all be honest with ourselves, they do deserve just that.

Leliana – You’re okay with murder. Some people just need murdering, and you? You’re okay with that. Hell, you’d even argue that murderers deserve spa days too. After all, killing people can give you callouses.

Zevran – You just want someone to feed you grapes, eat off your bare body for their pleasure, and whisper sweet nothings about the intricacies of love and filthy smut fiction in your ear.

Alistair – You love ‘soft boys’ who would rate their intimidation level as a 0. In this case though, that may not be a bad thing.

Dragon Age 2

Fenris – You’re sure there is a good therapist out there for you somewhere, but you’re still going to raid your rich uncle’s cellar, bare-footed may we add, and drink your problems away.

Isabela – You’re not sure why nobody will just let you do what you want at all times. You’re beautiful, you have great jokes, amazing hair and look good in a corset. Why is everyone so mad at you all the time? You’ll never know. It’s hard being perfect.

Anders – You’re a ‘nice guy’. In your mind you’ve got everything that people could want, self-deprecating humour, sweaty, sewer-smelling clothes and the remarkable ability to act like you’re the smartest person in the room despite being anything but.

Merrill – You’re trying your best and/or you just want the best for Merrill. Seriously, she’s been through a lot.

Sebastian – You’re just so glad that Sebastian finally got acknowledged in a Dragon Age romance option article, you don’t care about anything else. That’s fair, here’s your validation.

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Solas – You have the worst luck in the world when it comes to men. You can’t help but be attracted to the sort of man who says ‘well actually’ to everything you say.

Iron Bull – Sex is cool and all, but your real passion is dragons. You just think they’re neat. If there was a way to combine dragons and sex, you’d be all for it.

Sera – You just want to eat the rich, take all the cookies, and marry your girlfriend in the space of 5 minutes. To put it bluntly: you’re a legend and we’d buy you a drink.

Cullen – You’re often asked ‘are you okay’ despite the obvious answer being no. You’ve got some deep, underlying issues but at least you have some dogs to help you out. And isn’t that all that matters?

Josephine – You like Disney a lot even if you know they are never going to make your favourite characters gay. You’re not okay with murder, but you’d still be willing to help hide the body your best friend dropped in the living room one day.

Blackwall – We can’t even begin to comprehend how much of a mess you are. But at least you didn’t romance Anders or Solas, we guess? At least Blackwall has a beard to keep your face warm? It’s whatever.

Dorian – You are living perfection in every way and you do your best to flaunt that, but sometimes you just need a hug.

Cassandra – You had no choice but to play as a male Inquisitor.

We are sorry for not letting you see monster nipples. We are just thinking of The Children who may not want to see their mother like this.

The Mother – You’re called Ty Galiz-Rowe.

Sandal – You stop that.

Vivienne – We have a fan club just for you, it’s called ‘Living in Denial’ and Aimee is a member of it.

Scout Harding – You’re trying your best to make dwarven love interests happen. They aren’t going to happen.

The Arishok – Isabela disapproves -50

Sten – Just say you want to be broken in two by Sten’s massive pe…personality, and go.

Aimee Hart

[She/They] Aimee Hart specializes in queer fandom, video games and tabletop, having started her career writing for numerous websites like The Verge, Polygon, Input Magazine and more. Her goal now is to boost LGBTQ+ voices in the video games industry.