Jedi Fallen Order is one of the many games I’m playing at the moment, and despite wishing for Cal to be killed off so I can actually see what’s going on with Cere and her story, I have to admit that I’m having a pretty good time. It’s typical Star Wars, lightsaber battles, a pretty underwhelming story, but the combat is mesmerizing enough that you can forgive most of the bad.
But then there are some things that are, frankly, unforgivable. Cal is one of those things, namely Cal’s lack of fashion and his very, very ugly ponchos. Why Cal even wears ponchos is a mystery to me, as we start off on a planet where raining seems to be a constant thing. Sure it makes sense later on, but it’s too late, I’m already off the idea of ponchos.
Ponchos themselves aren’t necessarily a bad thing, and as someone who often wears clothes that don’t match because I’m a walking, talking meme, it’d be hypocritical of me to shame Cal and his poncho-wearing ways. It’s just that even outside of his ponchos, everything he wears lacks colour and style. It’s just ‘Cal wears the same outfit, but it’s dyed a different colour’. It’s fine, but god it’s so boring!
It’s made even worse when you realize that there’s no other real difference in customization either and that the lightsaber you’re wielding is actually going to look more on point than Cal will ever be. Sure, you can’t change your lightsaber’s colour to pink – which means your poncho options are already winning in that department – but at least I look cool while wielding a lightsaber.
Cal’s lack of fashion is made even worse when interacting with other characters. Even the Purge Troopers, troopers dedicated to hunting down Jedi, look pretty slick with their all-black armour. It’s slimming and rarely clashes with the interior and exterior of the Empire’s bases, what’s not to like about that? I mean, even the Nightsisters have some excellent garb. That red and black look? Oof, I like it.
But outside of the whole, ‘even the villains are dressed better than you’ nonsense, your fellow companions look very fashionable too. Well, as well as they possibly can be when being on the run from a terrorist organization. Cere in particular looks fine as hell with that jacket, long shirt and belt combo and Greez, resident grump of the Mantis, pulls off that red, almost motorcycle jacket look with ease.
So, why am I the only one who looks like I just put the first thing I found on in the nearest bin? Hell, where is my chance of finding the next best thing: Jedi robes? Sure they are ridiculously long, don’t look all that sexy, and probably would make Cal look even worse, but they come with something the others don’t have: a hood. The best thing that every Jedi fashionista should have.
Instead, I am stuck with Cal in his frumpy poncho. It’s a shame that Respawn didn’t add more outfits outside of colour changes, but I can somewhat understand that this was probably a lot of effort for something that, as much as I hate to admit it, just boils down to a cosmetic that could easily be missed.
Of course, if you’re on PC then not all is lost. As Star Wars modders have proved before, anything is possible – including a pink Darth Vader – if you put your mind to it.