Friday, March 1, 2024

If RE8 has ‘Big Boob Vampire Lady,’ then RE9 better have ‘Big Bulge Monster Man’

Video game fans went wild earlier this year when Lady Dimitrescu was revealed as part of Resident Evil: Village. Women wanted to be her and men wanted to be with her, mostly due to her equally enormous bust size that awarded her the nickname ‘Big Boob Vampire Lady.’ Although – spoiler alert – Ms. Dimitrescu meets her fate early on in the game, I think it’s safe to say that she left her mark on the series’ history. I mean, never had gaymers found themselves chased by a hulking brute that was so enchanting.

However, we must also acknowledge the existence of contrasting parts. Yin and yang. Black and white. Good and evil. One cannot exist without the other. So, in theory, if ‘Big Boob Vampire Lady’ can rule over a castle of creatures, then might we assume that ‘Big Bulge Monster Man’ must have dominion over his own terrain in another territory. We’ve seen dozens of mutated humans in the Resident Evil universe with massive appendages. We only need one to be used as a weapon of mass destruction. OK, maybe three parts – if we want to be anatomically correct.

Now, the only problem with this idea is – would anyone really want to run away from a giant daddy with a big swinging bulge? It truly gives new meaning to the term submission kill.

This is all said in jest, of course, because tragically I don’t think video game world is ready for major gay themes and a homoerotic character, even in a world of filled with zombies and supernatural creatures. Hopefully, one day, someone will make a mod that gender bends Lady Dimitrescu into a package wielding psycho. We did get a mod of Professor X in nothing but a banana hammock, if you remember that period in time.

Michael Therkelsen

[He/Him] Michael was born and raised at the Jersey Shore and he loves love horror films, video games, hiking and cooking. He auditioned for American Idol in season 6 and worked as a vet tech before finally discovering his passion for writing. He has several short stories available for purchase on e-readers, and is obsessed with UFC, American Ninja Warrior and running half-marathons. With a wide area of interests and hobbies, he's excited to help other people in the LGBT community discovery the world of gaming.