The Horniest Games of 2020
2020 has been a year, and not just because we’ve had to deal with the absolute BS that is a global pandemic. It’s brought people together, it’s tore people apart – good times, in spite of the bad. Despite the mixed year, there have been some amazing games to be the salve we need in these troubling times. There’s cute games, adventure games, and you know, horny games. Yeah, in fact, some of the horniest games I’ve ever played have come out this year, 2020.
Whether it be because we’ve all been nothing but sexually repressed thanks to the pandemic, or because all of us have something deep inside us that tells us we’re attracted to a humanized version of Tom Nook, games have been their utmost horniest and players? Well, players are starting to notice.
Now don’t get us wrong, games have always been horny. Just look at Bayonetta and the rise of Bowsette and also the comic that implies Luigi gets pegged on the daily. Fandom in game communities encourage the sexual nature of video game characters, whether it be because of their design, their personality, or something else entirely.
This year has been a standout though, and so, just to make it official and all – we bring you our definitive list of the Horniest Video Games of 2020.
Final Fantasy VII: Remake
Let’s be honest with each other, we always knew that with the upgraded graphics, there was going to be some real thirst for the majority of the FFVIIR cast. It helps that you’ve got a cast that’ll appeal to mostly everyone – no matter if you’re a Cloud guy, or you’d like to be part of the Cloud/Aerith/Tifa sandwich that’s going on.
It isn’t just that everyone in the game is hot – though that certainly helps – but there are characters in FFVIIR that are complete horndogs. We’re mostly talking about Jessie, voiced by Erica Lindbeck, who has a much bigger role this time around. Most of it is helping out her friends, but there are uh, also other parts of the story where Jessie practically talks about wanting to ride Cloud. Among…other things. Ahem.
We also embraced a fair selection of new characters too, such as Andrea – who is a snack, by the way – who was also incredibly horny for Cloud. It seems like this game is FFVII sure, but with an extra notch of lustful longing for the repressed twink that is Cloud Strife.
Animal Crossing: New Horizons
Alright, before you judge us on this one, let’s just remind everyone of a few things. One, there were huge amounts of fanfiction about the gay, lustful story between Redd and Tom Nook that had nothing to do with us, but the community, so write that one down. And two… Well, two…Just blames fan artists for making everyone a hot human.
In all seriousness, there is nothing remotely horny about the game itself. Animal Crossing: New Horizons is a mostly wholesome game about creating and living on your very own inhabited island, away from your old life. It pretty much never implicates anything 18+ unless you go out of your way to make your answers saucy, so you’d be forgiven for thinking that there’s nothing horny about the series.
Unfortunately – or fortunately – that hasn’t stopped people from making the islanders – and their villager – hot as hell. We suspect the people who are finding islanders like Apollo hot probably had a crush on Simba and/or Mufasa from The Lion King. Maybe Nick from Zootopia.
Look, all we know is that some people are really invested if Tom Nook fucks. If that isn’t enough to be sent to horny jail, then we don’t know what is.
Hades
Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past few months, the horniness of Hades has pretty much erupted all over social media. It isn’t too hard to see why, but if you’re not plugged into social like we are, then you may be a little confused. Sure, people are hot in this game, but does that truly make Hades one of the horniest games of 2020?
In an interview with Ash Parrish of Kotaku, game designer Greg Kasavin talked about how the character design to make everyone look very attractive is down to staying true to source material. We have our own thoughts about that, but it’s hard to deny that if you think of some sexy art design, your mind will go straight to Hades.
Personally though, it’s the voices that get us. The gravelly nature of Meg, and the sweet, but sarcastic dulcet of Zagreus? Uh, we’ll take seven of those, thank you. There’s also a lot of people running around with no shoes on, which is… Well, think about it!
Among Us
Much like Animal Crossing, Among Us doesn’t have anything that makes it look horny from the get-go. It’s just some jelly bean looking spacemen after all, what could be remotely horny about that?
Well, turns out the answer to that is ‘everything.’ We’ve mentioned before that Among Us has quickly spiraled into something that’s both extremely gay, and extremely NSFW.
Despite it being a social deduction game, many have come together to queer it up by making gay alien sex one of the most popular things about the game. And sure, every game has its porn, but the horny fanbase around tentacles, enemies to lover, and space have created its very own beast.
Frankly? We’re not sure whether to be impressed or scared.
Later Daters
Later Daters has been a pleasant surprise – both in the game and horny department. In it, you play as a retired octogenarian who is forced to join the Ye Olde care home. But don’t worry, you’ll be having more fun with this community than you would have back in your old life. Because trust us, if the beds are rockin’ then don’t come knockin’.
In all honesty, despite not including explicit sex scenes like some other games mentioned in this list, Later Daters knows how to ramp up sexual tension through its romance options that’ll have you wondering if you’ve left the heating on or not.
What Hades has in character design, Later Daters has with writing. It’s the slightest of dirty jokes, and the posturing and innuendos of those who are experienced and mature that makes the game so sexual without it turning into an edgy teenager’s wet dream. It just conveys what everyone should already know – you don’t stop wanting sex the moment you hit the stereotypical ‘old age’ of 50.
Later Daters is authentic, emotionally raw, and super horny. We love a game with layers.
Did we mention there’s a space orgy?
Crusader Kings 3
Ah Crusader Kings 3, a game that combines the eldritch madness of running a kingdom with the sexual appetite of an overzealous virgin who wants to change that, stat. If that description is enough to appeal you, then yes, you really might have a fine time in playing Paradox Interactive’s latest Crusader Kings.
If you think this game is horny now, then don’t worry, it used to be even hornier. Yes, there was a lot of sex going on, so much so, that a patch had to calm everyone down. After all, there are only so many kids that a person can have before it comes excessive… Right? Right?
Even with the new changes to Crusader Kings 3, there is a range of different personalities and traits that your characters can take or develop over time. One of them is literally adulterous, and that’s not even touching the fact you can be a local nudist if you so choose to be.
But really, what makes this game so horny to us? It’s just the absolute bliss of knowing that if you try hard enough, you can jack off the Pope.
Baldur’s Gate 3
Baldur’s Gate 3 combines everything we love in a video game: hot people, romance, adventure, and uh…let us just read this note…’Sex scenes where you can let a vampire spawn drink your blood while he goes to pound town?’ Yeah, that sounds about right.
It isn’t just sex that makes Baldur’s Gate 3 horny, nor is it the lusty community that follows Larian Studio’s newest game. The sexual appeal is, wildly enough, more to do with the differing personalities of your group and how real it feels. The writing for these characters feels much more fleshed out, more realistic, than a lot of games that we’ve played this year. And that? That’s sexy, baby.
Oh fine, it’s also to do with the fact everyone is hot – no matter if you’re into your standard pretty boy elf, or a muscular frog lady. Everyone has their own taste!
Yakuza 7: Like A Dragon
Yakuza 7: Like A Dragon is horny without actively going out of its way to being in your face. It’s a story about a bunch of 40-year-olds that fall into the cracks of modern society, and what they do to fight against the preconceptions thrown at them. That, in itself, makes the game an attractive one to us, but it doesn’t hurt that it does allow men and women both to embrace both their masculinity and feminity – either through the story of side quests, or classes. It’s beautiful, truly.
There’s also just something very appealing about not playing as a bunch of young adults and sure, it can be argued that some of them certainly don’t look in their 40s, but it still feels great to know that when these characters are given sexual appeal, it isn’t just a bunch of fresh, young faces. More horny old people, people!
With 2021 just around the corner, and with more than a few different games coming out this year, we’re looking forward to what next year has in store in the horny department… And other departments!
Did we miss some of the horniest games of your year? Let us know which games make your list!
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