Thursday, April 18, 2024

To All The Swords I’ve Yet To Wield in Boyfriend Dungeon

At PAX East I got my second shot at playing Boyfriend Dungeon, the dungeon crawler/dating sim by Kitfox Games. In this weird amalgamation of distinct genres, you date an assortment of people who can actually turn into weapons. You then wield those weapons as you fight your way through dungeons where there are also apparently other trapped weapons. See? It all comes full circle.

Having played Boyfriend Dungeon at both PAX South and East, I’ve seen the beginning of two of these routes and wielded two of these weapons ever briefly as I fought through dungeons with their hilts in my hands and their cold, steel blades striking every enemy with as much force as I could put behind each slash, stab, and swing.

But while we’ve been in combat together, Boyfriend Dungeon is about dating your various weapons. So as I reflect on the brief time I’ve spent with my arsenal of attractive men, I feel compelled to write to each of them, as I likely won’t see them again for some time.

These are a series of love letters to all the swords I’ve yet to wield in Boyfriend Dungeon:

Boyfriend Dungeon
Source: Boyfriend Dungeon

Dear Sunder, my fierce, free-spirited Talwar,

Sunder, when I danced the night away with you at your night club, your friend Mandy told me that I should be wary of you, that you were a free spirit, one that neither I, nor anyone else, could tame. Based on my very brief time with her, she seems like she lacks your same optimism and fluidity, but I do wonder if she might be right that pursuing you as my primary weapon might result in me getting hurt more than any enemy I ever strike down with your sharp blade.

I should know better than to play with fire, but maybe it’s just the energy of the club that’s got me in a daze, transfixed on the way you move on the dance floor and way the lights gleam off your ripped, glistening abs.

A talwar is literally not a double-edged sword, but the thrill and the danger of wielding you has me perplexed, and I’m eager to see what kinds of demons we can take down together. Both in the dungeons, and maybe inside you?

See you soon, love.

Source: Boyfriend Dungeon

Dear Seven, my mysterious Lasersaber,

I know nothing about you, mainly because I have only been able to stumble upon you trapped inside a dungeon where you awoke to me wielding another sword. I hope you won’t take this to mean I’m not open to that coffee date you subtly asked me on moments after you woke up from your slumber. I have two hands for a reason, and can wield two swords at once.

You have an electricity to your aesthetic, both in and out of your lasersaber form, that draws me in. But even so, you’re still a mystery to me. I want to get to know you better, but I fear I will have to wait until I’m allowed to freely explore these dungeons from the comfort of my Nintendo Switch before I can learn more about you.

Until then.

Source: Boyfriend Dungeon

Dear Isaac, my stoic Estoc,

Just as I have used your sharp, pointed blade to pierce through the monsters we faced together in the dungeons underneath the city, you have pierced my heart with your quiet confidence and apparent daddy issues.

Though our time together was brief, and unfortunately interrupted by the rude intrusion of your father who you seem to be estranged with to some degree, I respected your privacy and didn’t listen in on your argument as I was ushered away.

It was all the same to me. We would reunite as we headed into the dungeons and I would use your swift stabs to clear the path of any creature that hoped to interrupt our date. When I see you again, we’ll have to do something about your apparent need to impress your father, and I’ll do my best to sharpen any dullness he imposes upon you.

Thinking of you.

And as for the weapons I haven’t even met yet?

We’ll have our time soon. When Boyfriend Dungeon launches on PC and Switch later this year.

Kenneth Shepard

Kenneth Shepard is a Georgia-based writer covering games and queerness around the internet. He also co-hosts Normandy FM, a biweekly video game retrospective podcast available on your podcatcher of choice.